life.

Would you be my lover if I had no love

And no beauty to speak of?

Would you still be faithful if I had no faith

And I questioned everything?

Amen.

What then if I turned away and in darkness hid my face?

Would you leave me then?

Or would you draw me to yourself again?

-What Love is This, Justin McRoberts

I hadn't listened to that song in a few years, but because I was getting all excited about Soulfest this year and went to the myspace for it, I came across it again. It's such an honest song. And I think I have sang it many times in my life without even knowing it. The lyrics are so raw. It's not that I'm feeling really far away from God. I think it's really that I have this thing in me that makes me think, I'm such a horrible Christian. It's that voice inside me that makes me think, am I just being religious all the time, not letting God be who he is. Funny how the Sunday sermon series that Pastor Grayum is speaking on is, "No Religion, Know God."

The line in the song that speaks on questioning him, is exactly where I'm at right now. My life has basically been turned upside down. Then back up, and then turned upside down again. With my good friend only having a few monthes to live, having no real job anymore, and Josh's job being uncertain, making my life so out of wack since I'm so used to a set schedule. I haven't been active like I used to be, I haven't been faithfully reading my bible and praying about stuff. And that makes me feel like a failure. It's such a rut, I don't like to be in. So with all this said. I'm praying for strength. To get back on my feet and living for the Lord and not myself.

The last lines I put up there, not the last line of the song, reads,"What then if I turned away and in darkness hid my face? Would you leave me then? Or would you draw me to yourself again?" Praise God for God, and who he is. And for creating me. And knowing everything. I could say way more about God, but at this time I'm thinking, wow, I can't even describe him near to how he should be described!

Amen.

Melissa

ps. i might add this song to my playlist if I can find it so you can hear it.